More Fun with Editing
Here again, is the horror of my world...
Sitting on the warm leather couch in his office staring at each other a sense of a foreboding presence surrounded them. Silence permeated the room with a deep gloom of desperation, Michael suddenly broke the curse and asked” is Raphael busy Lucy? Staring at Lucy with placid tone.Speechless she shook her head with a” no” response
“Can you tell him I need to talk to him? he asked her desperately. His eyes bloodshot and glassy from another day of keeping them open. Lucy’s concerned demure rushed hurriedly out of the office her motion emphasizing the importance of the situation that she had just encountered to Raphael.
Not a sound could be heard but the solid and sturdy knock on the door to his office trying to gain admittance. The sound barrier of Lucy and Raphael running into the room was prevented by the new carpet just installed in the office, Michael was not used to not hearing the sound of clambering feet against the wooden floors as people entered his office and was taken aback at their presence so quickly.
Both of them aware of the intense pain he was suffering looked at him with intense loyalty and sorrow.Blurry eyes gazed at them and with a lucid smile Michael put back his head on the soft leather couch unconcerned that they were watching him. He started to think about his day and what happened to come to this juncture. Staring at the wall in a desperate attempt to keep his eyes opened. Haunted memories were erupting quicker than his mind could evaluate.
Oh, God. Just shoot me now. I am wondering if perhaps it's not too late to consider employment in the food service or lawn maintenance industries.

3 Comments:
I am interested in what the hell the story is about at this point.
What you should have done was find 12 volunteer editors, from different styles and different mindsets. You could have given each of them two non-concurrent chapters, and nothing else and told them to hack it to pieces. With no knowledge of the point of the original and intrinsically hilarious subject matter, you would be left with a hodgepodge amalgamation of a ridiculous story. It would be funny, if nothing else.
what grade level are you working with?
Surely these are not actual people...
No, they're characters based on real people in the author's real life, and the whole thing is supposed to be some psycho-supernatural mystery drama thing, loosely disguising her autobiography as a self-involved, middle-aged, over-indulged do-nothing in search of herself.
I want to kill all of them, and I can't help but do a crappy job, because good writing is wasted on this project. The whole thing is making me hate myself. WHERE'S THE INTEGRITY, FOSTER??
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